Here in Ecto City in the heart of the assimilation district, a miracle has happened. A human wrestler has been transformed into the first living hamburger with cybernetic augmentations. His name is Blake Burger, a wrestler who was fired from the universal wrestlin' league after he ate a planet sized amount of cocaine and cocaine accessories. allegedly. Here's the exclusive interview with Blake:

Interviewer: So, why a hamburger?

Blake: Well ever since i was a microscopic mother fucker I wanted to be one when I tried my first burger. Something was off about eating it, it could've been the fact that 10 million parasites were on this burger, but I like to think that it was a sign. I wasn't meant to eat burgers, I was meant to join them as my brothers. So instead of eating this specific burger, I showed my dominance in the burger restaurant by T-posing. Here's a pic:

Interviewer: Oh uhm ok. Kinda just looks like the default pose animators use for CGI characters but ok I guess. My god you have a weird looking body. Looks like someone badly designed you and called it a day. It's like if tommy wiseau started making art, gah damn. Those proportions don't even make sense. Unlike the whole being a living hamburger thing, that part makes a lot of sense. But the unrealistic body? That ruins my immersion.

Blake: Well see that's what the media wants you to think. In reality, I was showing off my awesome power and ability to extend my arms into a T-pose shape. and also my body isn't weird, it's thicc.

Interviewer: Oh totally, yes. So then what occurred?

Blake: Well then it scared the restaurant off and they stopped serving hamburgers.

Interviewer: Really?

Blake: Naw, they all died from those 10 million parasites on their burgers you fuckin' mother. Anyways, after this I dedicated my life to finding some way to become a burger. Years went by without anything happening. But one day I came.

Interviewer: ...to a conclusion?

Blake: Naw, I just came and had some clarity. And then I came to a conclusion. And then I came one more time for good measure.

Interviewer: What conclusion?

Blake: That if I wanted to be a burger I would have to do it by my own 2, at the moment, very sticky hands. I spent months figuring out how to morph myself into a burger shape. I watched 1000 Mcdolnalds ads to prep myself until I learned the proper way to do it. and I finally accomplished. Aren't i beautiful?

Interviewer: honestly, bro, it looks like your skin is rotting and falling apart, your teeth are in bad shape, looks like you got some purple eye disease that's been going around in Ecto, and your legs are in the wonky shape of a fuckin' tesla truck.

Blake: So in other words, I'm perfect.

Interviewer: Yep totally what I mean, dude.